Fall Break is Over...

As I sit here tonight, I want to hold on to every moment of this time. The last few days have reminded me how wonderful being at home with my kids can be. Taking Olivia to and from school is such a blessing. To get those chances to see her run in ready to play and learn and to pick her up and get that bright eyed, light up he room smile because she saw me, ME. How could someone love me so much? Hours on the playground with her friends Jonathan and Jackson and their mom and dad. What a wonderful family to share an afternoon with! She learned to pump her legs on the swings, crack pecans, and jump from one picnic table to another. And best of all, I was there to see it. Anyone who knows me knows I lean "a little" to the liberal side. And I firmly believe every women needs to decide whether to be at home or at work. With Julian I worked so hard. I was willing to sacrifice his early years to get a degree and a good job to spend time with him in his teens. I do not regret a single moment of now with him, but until Olivia, I never knew how much I missed. My mom saw him grow every day. They had such an amazing relationship. She was enthralled by him. There is something about these pre-k years that make every day so new and exciting. It makes me sad to know I missed this time with Julian. It makes me sad to know I am missing so much of this time with Olivia. If I could afford to be at home now, I would in a heartbeat. It's a moot point. Moot point, I know, but I wish I could somehow fill this void I feel when I am not focusing on my kids. I miss them. I want to be the mom I picture I can be. I don't want to miss a thing. My life has assembled itself based on decisions made hoping that I could do the best by my family. I didn't dream big enough. I could have been more, done more, wanted more and made better choices. I believe I still have time to make the best of today. So I go to work tomorrow, hoping I can greet other people's children with patience, enthusiasm, and attention and hoping I have enough left to share with my own when I get back home.