New Year's Eve 2013

So, it's all about new beginnings, right? The picture above is one of my favorite new beginnings of all time. My new daughter and a son who would never have to be alone. I realized when my mom was dying that being an only child would be so difficult. Even though my family offered support in some non-traditional ways, they were still there. I realized that Julian would not have anyone when those days come. And for many reasons, that made me sad. I wanted Julian to have someone as a constant, besides me, in his life. I regret the age difference. It is very hard to bond with someone 11 years younger, especially at this point in their lives. So often I see Olivia crave Julian's attention and Julian just pushes her away. She is inconvenient now. I get it. I was always inconvenient growing up. Well, mostly always. No one ever wanted to "play" with me. They were busy. But as we have gotten older, they are not too busy for me anymore. And one day, Julian will make time for Olivia. I believe this.

2013 has been a great challenge. I get sad when I think about the stress that these two kids have had to endure. Julian is aware, and that is hard. Olivia thinks life is just this way, and that is probably harder. I don't want to dwell on 2013 and all that happened, but I will say, I am pretty certain 2014 will not be a repeat. :) It sounds cliche but we really have no where to go but up.

Brad just passed truck driving school. In about three weeks we hope he will start driving for a living. It will change life here at home in good and not so good ways. But we are looking for the best way to improve our finances and reduce our stress. This seems like a very possible option. If I am in prayer for anything right now it is that this route works to a better year and beyond.

We had a new Christmas tradition this year. We opened gifts Christmas Eve and just had Santa before we went to Brad's family's house. It was really nice. It was slow and relaxed. You guys received much more than I realized. And I know I bought more than I needed to. But after so much lack, I needed to give. I have little regret. Times are tough, but our Christmas will not be the reason.

I opened birthday gifts yesterday. I don't usually receive gifts on my birthday. It was nice. Not because of the stuff, but because I felt important. Some years I have felt "forgotten", to be honest. I have always hated my birthday being Dec. 31. presents for Christmas and my birthday, birthday gifts wrapped in Christmas paper, christmas cards with "PS Happy Birthday." But yesterday was nice. And if I had to celebrate a day early to make it happen, well, I guess that is a concession I am willing to make.

This year will be different. Julian is graduating and heading off to college. Wow. I have no idea what life without him at home will be like. I just hope it begins a journey he truly loves.

Anyway... just a quick note to say, "Here's to new beginnings!" 2014 should bring many. I hope and pray they are good for us all.

Christmas is 10 days away. It has been a different holiday season for us. Most of the decorations are still in the attic, though Julian went a picked a gorgeous tree to decorate. Out image of a tree wrapped in bows and ribbons turned out to be less than that in real life. there have been no church services. I didn't go ring the bell for Salvation Army. Brad has been at driving school for two weeks now, one more to go. No Cantata with the grandparents as your Grandma Daryl was sick. You guys didn't even ask for your elves this year. There will be gifts under the tree. Somehow, we always manage. And there have been nights at home to watch movies (even though we could only all gather for Emmit Otter one evening) but tv shows on Netfix have kept our attention even more. The CD's in the car have not been the choice while driving. It just doesn't seem like Christmas much but things are more relaxed than usual and for that I am grateful. I don't really know what I want to establish as traditions.